What the absolute **** did you just do, you slow-driving, left-lane-hogging piece of human garbage? I'll have you know l'm a gotdam road warrior, trained in high-speed tactical driving and certified in flipping off morons in 47 states. l've racked up 300,000 miles on my odometer, smoked out 600 tailgaters, and left tire marks on highways you couldn't even dream of navigating. You think you can just cruise at 65 in the PASSING LANE like some kind of asphalt dictator? I've seen roadkill with more situational awareness than you, you brain-dead, turn-signal-ignoring ****wit. I'm not just a driver, I'm a ****ing force of nature behind the wheel. I'll tailgate you so close you'll feel my headlights in your soul, and when you finally crawl over to the right lane, I'll blast past you with a honk so loud it'll make your ancestors piss themselves. You're not just holding up traffic, you're waging war on efficiency, and I'm the ******* Navy SEAL of the interstate, ready to take you out with precision rage. l've got a dashboard cam, a radar detector, and a playlist of death metal so aggressive it could peel paint off a semi. You're out here driving like you're delivering a eulogy, and I'm ready to make your rearview mirror a portal to hell. You think you're safe in that Prius, minivan, or whatever sad excuse for a vehicle you're dragging along at a snail's pace? I've smoked Corvettes, outmaneuvered cops, and drifted through rush hour like it's a ******* ballet. I'll find you, you oblivious roadblock, and when I do, l'll flash my high beams so hard you'll think you're in a ****ing alien invasion. You've got exactly three seconds to move over before l unleash the full fury of my horn, my middle finger, and a verbal tirade that'll make your grandma clutch her pearls. Get the **** out of the passing lane, or I'll make sure your license plate is etched into the annals of highway shame forever, you speed-limit-desecrating, lane-clogging COWARD.