Combine options 1 and 3

I think your estimate for finishing out the garage is a little high. Unless you are adding a full bathroom. In that case, you might be a little low. You said you are handy and can do things yourself. You can put in insulation and drywall yourself.
I would finish out the garage, no bathroom addition. See how it goes. Maybe in the interim, start looking at a metal building to be a garage and mother in law suite. Should let you save up some money for a year or two. When/if you move her to somewhere, you can always turn the garage into a big game room.

People have offered a lot of good advice. But why can't your kids share a room? I know you probably need your space from MIL… but kids don't need their own bedrooms. Heck, my sister and I shared a bed.

What I'm trying to say is you have more time to figure this out than you may think.

COSCagg17 said:

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Been a busy couple of days but wanted to circle back regarding a couple of comments.


3.) Finances. This is going to be the hardest conversation but I know it's needed. MIL is VERY independent and is very secretive about her finances, but I think it's something we need to discuss. My wife and I roughly follow the Dave Ramsey approach to debt/savings so I think it may be a way to ease her out of her shell by discussing it and giving her the book to read. Hopefully that'll help spur some further discussions.

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First, kudos for putting some thought into this and seeking some advice.

I posted earlier about having a conversation about finances that needed to happen already when she moved in. Your comment that I bolded above is VERY concerning to me.

She is secretive for a reason. And likely not a good one. Maybe she's just embarrassed and if thats the case you can help her get thru that by not being judgemental (not saying you would be). But maybe her financial situation is way worse than you imagine and a lot of it is her doing (nothing from job...husband...etc). She may be INDEPENDENT...but she doesn't seem to be successfully independent when it comes to finances.

I'd suggest having this discussion before you even move an inch forward. Don't spend time/money/etc looking into options because they could blow up whenever you get around to the financial discussion. AKA don't put the cart before the horse!!

My FIL lets my MIL control the finances and has since way before I met them. They are older and pinching pennies because he just let her do whatever. And one of the whatevers was trading in $200k in Exxon stock around 1990 to try to start a restaurant in a town of about 800 blue collar folks!! All because he didn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation. Needless to say my wife was not taught any money habits (I was taught about it when I started mowing yards at 11 years old). When we met she was in debt and told me so. We dated for 5 years before we were married because a big chunk of that time was finally getting down to how much debt she had, spending habits, and changing how she approached finances. Been married 17 years now and have open communication on finances regularly. It might be tough getting to the same page and she's gonna have some feelings.....but once you're on the same page it has a decent chance of getting better from there.

I'm not against them sharing a room at all. I shared a room with my brother growing up, but we were also a little older. My concern is going in to change/feed one and waking up the other one, sounds like a recipe for disaster. But if it comes down to them having to share a room then so be it. Theres greater tragedies in the world than that.

I agree with your points and know this is the next step that needs to happen. While it won't be a fun conversation to start, I think as long as we approach it from the side of "trying to help" rather than "you're stupid", it'll work out. Wife and I have already discussed with each other that a conversation is coming but now its about finding the right time.

On your point of your wife not being as well versed in finances as you were, I'm in the same boat. I grew up with a necessities only and savings first mindset while my wife thinks if she has enough or its on sale then it's a green light. Shes changed quite a bit now but that's still her first reaction when she gets any sort of extra cash. Amazing how many items become "necessities" when you have a baby. Bamboo pillow case for a kid qualifies apparently.... Myself on the other hand, I've had a savings fund for a suppressor for 5+ years now but every time I get close to pulling the trigger on it (not suppressed, pun intended) I think of something that may come up where I'll need that money and never go through with it. Now it's just become a back of the mind savings for emergencies. Crazy how completely different our mindsets are based on how we were raised.

COSCagg17 said:

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I'm not against them sharing a room at all. I shared a room with my brother growing up, but we were also a little older. My concern is going in to change/feed one and waking up the other one, sounds like a recipe for disaster. But if it comes down to them having to share a room then so be it. Theres greater tragedies in the world than that.

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Kids are usually very sound sleepers. At least my kids were. Once they are asleep, anyway.

I would ensure your wife is the main mouthpiece for whatever options are discussed and agreed to. You obviously will need to get on the same page with your wife, but she should be the one leading conversations, etc.

With her being only 58, I think an temporary RV type situation makes a lot of sense. She is young enough to get on her feet and still go out and live independently. It very well might come full circle where she is back with you guys later in life. If a permanent shed/MIL building makes sense now, I would still approach it as a temporary situation with some ground rules laid out, with everyone checking in to see how things are progressing. Make sure to over-communicate with everything.

Taking the RV route a step further , the rents in some RV parks are pretty low and often include everything including water , sewer, electricity, and even WiFi. Some RV parks have some low lives living in them but others don't. Just would need to check this out first and get a feel for the clientele. Just saying it may be another option to consider that wouldn't require capital beyond buying the travel trailer.

COSCagg17 said:

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Curious to get some advice on what everyone thinks the best path forward is for me and my family. Not sure if this is best forum for it but figured I'd start here due to it being financially centered.

Background: Wife is only child and wife's dad died ~15 years ago and left mother-in-law in poor financial health. MIL worked multiple jobs to put my wife through A&M and rose up to director level in a company and was doing very well for herself; however, she quit her job on a whim due to that company being bought out and conflicts with new leadership team without any plan whatsoever. This was about 3.5 years ago and she struggled to find anything for 8+ months (running through all of her savings as well as money we loaned her to keep renting the house she was in and cover basic necessities). She eventually landed a new job working remote and things were looking up, but that company laid her off after a couple of months and she was again back in the same situation (loaning money to help cover basics). When it came time to renew the lease for her house, we had a hard conversation and said she either moves in with us and we can help or she's on her own (we had our first kid on the way and could not keep giving money to help her stay afloat). She struggled to find anything for another couple of months and ended up taking an office manager position making ~$25/hr. Our agreement was that if she moved in, we would pay for food/housing/utilities and she would focus on paying off her car loan, credit cards, and build back up a savings. This is the current situation we are in now but honestly have no idea where she stands on her debts.

Current: I truly love my MIL and she has been amazing helping with the kid/cooking/ doing chores around the house. My wife thinks the best path forward is for her to stay with us for the foreseeable future if not forever; however, wife and I are now expecting our second child and I'm starting to stress the living situation. We have a 3/2 house and will need both bedrooms once the new baby is here (baby 2 due January 2026, probably need room in June 2026). House is on 4 acres so we have options but am trying to figure out the best financial path for my family. The options I have so far:

1.) Sell house and find/build house that has more room. While I would love to build, we were extremely lucky to buy in early 2020 and are at 3.5% APR on our house (bought at 250K and could easily sell now around 600k+). Location and schools are great but land/houses big enough for our situation are going for 650k+ with today's ~7%= APR's to bat. Hard pill to swallow on that one.

2.) Enclose garage and build into MIL-suite. Rough estimate of 30k-50k. Like having a garage for wife's vehicle and storage but would probably be easiest as it already has 3 walls and foundation plus drywall.

3.) Build ADU/detached MIL-suite. Rough estimate of 40k-60k self-performing a lot of it. Would need to figure out plumbing mostly as spot would be lower than current septic system.

4.) Build out shed. Have a 30x40 shed on the property that has water and electric to it but no plumbing. Build out would be 30k-50k. Self-perform most but again, big issue is plumbing.

5.) Buy "rental" house and "rent" to MIL. 200k-250k. While this is most expensive, my thought is the possible return for long term view, but also biggest risk. If we can get small 3/2 house in subdivision close to us, she can have her own space but also help us build long term investment. Risk is if she gets laid off/fired/can't pay
rent, we're stuck back in the same situation again with a second mortgage and nowhere in our house for her to move into.

I'm starting to feel the pressure and am wanting to narrow down options prior to doing anymore research/loan funding. Main question is which one helps us long term financially? Which option can help us regardless of the situation we're in so that we can use this to help in future ROI? Also would like the consensus on what this financially looks for regarding MIL. Should I expect her to put up money for this (which she doesn't have) or am I the one who's going to have to cover it all. Any and all advice is appreciated.

TLDR: Wifes mother is going to be with us probably till the end, little to no help financially, need best recommendation on financial path forward due to current house being full. Options 1-5 are my ponderings on path forward.

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Buy tiny home.

halfastros81 said:

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Taking the RV route a step further , the rents in some RV parks are pretty low and often include everything including water , sewer, electricity, and even WiFi. Some RV parks have some low lives living in them but others don't. Just would need to check this out first and get a feel for the clientele. Just saying it may be another option to consider that wouldn't require capital beyond buying the travel trailer.

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Many of the better ones have a three month limit or so on the spots. In other words, you can't just park a trailer there indefinitely and forget it. Something to keep in mind.

Sure but some do 6 month and 1 yr lease terms as well. Rates undoubtedly vary by location but I have seen some as low as $450 per month with all utilities included.